Boats, bikes and breaking glass doors...

Laos - our 2nd country! A short hop across the Mekong river, all seemed much the same on first glance, although a slower pace and a slightly less organised atmosphere.

Our family from the Lahu village had been reduced to 5, however then grew somewhat when we met 2 english girls who live and teach in China. Later on collecting a few travellers from holland and canada, that evening we watched the sunset over the Mekong on the roof terrace of the hostel. A beautiful evening sharing many a Beer Lao, G&T's and refreshing conversation. As it was so hot and with the need for cold beer, I created a home-made fridge, from two metal bowls and a big bag of ice.

The evening was slightly dampened when James came running through the glass door of our room - to surprise me with a hug - cutting his face, nose, throat and knee quite severely, needing a trip to hospital to get 18 stitches with no anaesthetic. Lucky for him he still had some Beer Lao in his system to dull the pain. A few hours later and £12 lighter (2 hours work from 2 nurses whom we awoke at midnight) we swept the glass shards from our blood-stained bed and enjoyed a few hours sleep.

Notice the 'dazed' look in his eyes

With James by now thoroughly tranquilized on a cocktail of pain-killers, anti-biotics and looking like he'd had a few rounds with Mike Tyson, we headed up the Mekong for a 2-day boat ride with our now group of 10, enjoying a leisurely ride and wondeful scenery, finally arriving at Luang Prabang - a lovely city with more of a small town feel about it. There we enjoyed some welcome rest-time for James to recover, delicious and fresh meals from the food market every evening - the cheapest and best way to eat here - and a trip out to Tat Kuang Si - the most amazing layered waterfall.

At the very top, looking across the falls

Despite being a city, Luang Prabang was a very peaceful place - I enjoyed bicycling around and getting up early to see the local rituals such as monks heading silently bare-footing the streets to collect their alms. I managed to squeeze a little shopping in in the night market - full of hand crafted and antique delights - in between playing nurse.

Monks collecting alms at 6am

After a trip to the local hospital on arrival to have James' wounds checked and redressed, most of which were falling off as we left the hospital - some wounds only 3/4 covered - we had little faith in the hospital skills. I redressed the wounds and later removed the stitches myself with a sterilized pair of nail clippers and James' penknife - not the easiest task (especially trying to differentiate between stitch and beard hair) however I'm pleased with my work and he is now healing well.

We took a small boat trip upriver to the little village of Muang Ngoi Neua (incredibly difficult to pronounce) which is only accesible by boat with no other vehicles in sight - idyllic and surrounded by amazing scenery. Last night at the bar I spotted Pimms on the shelf, yet the barman had never made a Pimms so I tried to teach him how to make an english Pimms - with the lack of strawberries and cucumber it was difficult but we finally achieved a satisfactory taste! He told me he will be adding it to his list of cocktails from across the world. Strange to find a bar like this in the middle of nowhere, I mean the village only had electricity from 6pm till 9pm but yet they had a bar with an amazing selection of liquors.

How about the riverbank for a workshop, Dad?

Relaxing at the Utopia bar, overlooking the Mekong

Back in Luang Prabang, I managed to persuade Beth to catch a night bus down to the capital Vientiane, which after the first couple of hours wasn't too bad, although the roads in Laos are so badly maintained it doesn't matter what level of comfort you opt for - you're still gonna be shaken around like maracas for the whole ride.

Sunset over Luang Prabang

Vientiane (christened by the French) is a fairly nondescript small capital sitting on the banks of the Mekong - the advantage of its size is that you can get everywhere by bike!

Happy cycling around Pha That Luang, Vientiane

We were passing through to arrange visas for Myanmar, a process that takes 3 days so the military government can run background checks making sure you're not a journalist or known for voicing strong political views. While they were checking up on us we decided to spend a few days in Vang Vieng, a small town a few hours north, infamous for it's "tubing experience".

Firstly, the town itself is in a spectacular location, nestled on the valley floor between towering limestone cliffs. It's beauty hasn't gone unnoticed - this is possibly the most visited location in Laos, where young travellers come to rent tractor inner-tubes and float down the Nam Song river that runs past the town. Innocent enough, you may think, except the riverside is dotted with 12 or so makeshift bars that pull you in, each one offering unlimited free shots and lao-lao buckets (a strong local rice whisky) and pumping out the latest dance tracks. The crowd is reminiscent of a southern Spanish holiday resort - young, scantily-clad, covered in felt-tipped obscenities and suitably drunk. As an extra thrill each bar has erected huge precarious swings and ziplines above the river, the highest around 15m, where revellers can hone their trapeze artist skills. No harness, no nets, just a vague indication where not to land (floating bottles indicate rocks), these are of course great fun but it's no surprise that accidents happen here all the time - and even the occasional death.

Our friend Nora the (apparent) trapeze artist

Back in the town, the bars have set themselves up to appeal to the hungover crowd by a load of video-bars - in which rows of cushions face a couple of TVs playing endless reruns of Friends and Family Guy. If that's not enough to dull the pain, the bars also offer a "happy" menu where you can order your shakes or pizza with extra marijuana, magic mushrooms, opium or even yaba, a locally made methamphetamine - not surprising then that many travellers end up spending weeks here!

Away from the town, we found a little sanctuary with beautiful new bungalows for dirt cheap. Beth started a morning ritual of meditation and Tai-Chi as it was so peaceful, in contrast to the video-bars and general debauchery half a mile away.

Not a bad view to enjoy breakfast with!

The view from our remote bungalow

We're now about to board a sleeping bus (full-on beds!! can't wait!) to Si Phan Don, or Four Thousand Islands in southern Laos, it will be our last stop before heading on to Cambodia. A couple more amusing signs of the pidgin English variety...

Time in the hills with the Lahu tribe

The Lahu village of Huay Nam Rin was a welcome shock to the system after island-hopping, visiting temples and generally being lazy tourists. It was a great opportunity to become involved with the local tribe and understand some traditional culture as well as learning Thai massage in a beautiful environment.

Lahu dancing

Celebrations for Lahu New Year, the date of which is decided by the local shaman, and alters each year. The women hand-sow ceremonial clothing, the colours of which change each year - this year is blue, green, pink and black. Some items of clothing take up to 3 months to make!
It might look like simple dancing round a circle but I can tell you the footwork's pretty complicated - just when you think you've got the hang of it, it changes again!

A Lahu sunrise

Morning Tai-Chi

morning meditation starting at 5.30am!! I only managed to drag my self out of bed for  it once.

Eager to begin our different way of life for 12 days, we travelled to the village in the back of several pickups (my new found favourite way to travel). 10 people squashed in the back for an hour and a half made quick acquaintances from the very beginning.
Stopping at the local market on the way to the village to collect supplies, including 50kg of passion fruit! yum!
Our accommodation was simple wood or bamboo huts on stilts with the most breath taking view.

Our daily routine consisted of 6am Tai-Chi (a fantastic way to start the day watching the sun slowly rising over the mountain, warming the chill from the air), at the top of the village at the King's Project - a strange resort-like plateau overlooking the valley. Breakfast - sticky rice, pumpkin and papaya (which I have renamed sick fruit - I can now no longer stand the smell of it!) then 3 hours of massage, starting with a morning chant followed by a traditional song (with such a diverse range of voices it gave a powerful gospel feel), lunch - sticky rice+vegetables, cracking back into another 3 hours of massage after which we stopped again for dinner of sticky rice and veg (surprise!). Shortly afterwards we met again for meditation practice for one hour, by then feeling thoroughly knackered - our thin mattress on a wooden floor was a welcoming retreat!

Ha! Take that, Marius

Our bamboo dining room

It was quite a shock to have to be aware of the time of day - we were reminded of this by the village clock played a random comical tune hourly followed by chimes (3pm was the Popeye theme tune!), often accompanied by a local on a tannoy announcing unintelligible news.

One perfectly rolled Lahu cigarette!

The time in the village was the most special experience, all 30 members interacting beautifully and involved in quiet conversations sharing stories and experiences from all walks of life. In our massage group in addition to that our teacher Andrea and his 5 assistants we had a wide range of nationalities - Swiss, French, Italian, Spanish, Latvian, Australian, New Zealanders, German, Dutch, Cuban, American, Irish, Austrian, Slovakian, English and Thai. I learnt so much from these people in the 12 days, and it was hard to leave as we had all bonded so well it really did feel like a family, all supporting each other and offering advice where needed.

Bobby, the local dog, couldn't resist following James around

James planned to spend the time I was massaging catching up on some work... however he was so popular with the local kids that climbed into our hut through the window that he rarely got much work done. The Lahu children have infectious smiles and an inquisitive nature, little fingers in every bag but they never take a thing... also they learn the dangers of life from a very young age. So seeing a 4 year old wandering about with his bag of bangers or a foot-long machete is a normal sight.

Attacking James was their favourite pasttime

So with spirits high and new skills to gain 5 of us headed to the border of Laos, while the remaining group headed back to Chiang Mai. The following morning we revelled in delights such as fresh croissants, butter and muesli for breakfast - needless to say we didn't miss sticky rice one bit! The time in the Lahu village was incredible however it was great to have clean clothes, comforts and choice, and not to be woken each morning by the cockerels - one of which I'm sure sat right next to my head!

The Lahu family

it's been a while!

Sorry for the delay folks, I’ve been meaning to write this for ages (as Beth keeps nagging me) but never seemed to have time! It seems to make most sense if I start with where we are now, then try and fill in the story of how we got here (as I’m not too sure myself!). Am currently sitting in a wooden hut in the Lahu village of Huay Nam Rin, in northern Thailand, somewhere between Chiang Mai and Chiang Rai. The village is very basic – bamboo huts on stilts scattered on the dirt-caked hillside - but the local Lahu hilltribe are friendly and will always offer a smile or a “dub-you”, a word that trebles as hello, goodbye and thankyou. Since I’ve started writing this 3 local kids have climbed through my window to play (Na-Ha, Na-So and Cha-Pu - all Lahu boys names begin with Cha, all girls begin with Na). With no point of reference, as Lahu is not a written language and doesn’t include a concept of time, conversing is tricky but not impossible (my vocabulary is mainly restricted to identifying farm animals). Earlier I taught Na-Ha, our ~8-year-old neighbour (ages are unknown even to them), how to use a laptop and mouse – she found drawing shapes in Paint absolutely hilarious! 

This remote village is the setting for Beth’s Thai Massage retreat, an intensive 90-hour course over 12 days including Tai-Chi at 6.45am every morning and Vipassana meditation in the evening at 8pm. I have it slightly easier as I’m here as a guest, staying in the village and being fed 3 times a day for the princely sum of £4, however I am welcome to join the Tai-Chi and meditation whenever I like (as the teacher says, dharma is free). 

Morning Tai-Chi

I also had the opportunity to accompany some local Lahu for a trek into the jungle yesterday, staying overnight in a bamboo shelter and sharing whatever they caught. Our little group consisted of 4 farangs (foreigners), a Native American massage teacher who lived in the village, 3 Lahu men and Cha-To, a 4-year old Lahu kid. Plus a selection of village dogs, 2 of them young pups, felt obliged to accompany us.

Walking the forest ridgeline

After a few hours hard uphill we arrived at the small shelter, covered in old banana flower leaves which were used on a fire before collecting the new roof and bedding. While we collected wood the Lahu went out hunting, arriving back later with a couple of squirrels and some kind of (mangled) bird, which once gutted and boiled up in a banana-flower & chilli stew (HUGE quantities of chilli) weren’t too bad! (although the bird intestines are probably an acquired taste!).

Not much sleep but hugely peaceful that night, and despite the hoards of inquisitive bees and all manner of small insects finding their way into your clothing I avoided being bitten at all J The dogs, being from the Lahu village where you’re tripping over all the dogs, pigs, cats, ducks and chickens roaming the streets, have grown up in very harsh environments and are used to pretty bad treatment by villagers – the 4-year old Cha-To, despite being hugely playful and inquisitive, would whack and kick the dogs a lot of the time in between hugging them. I thought this fairly cruel until I saw the kids play fighting – they kick and punch each other just as hard and carry on laughing! These kids are tough.

Breakfast consisted of more sticky rice and stew, this time flavoured with a couple of wood-smoked frogs that were hanging over the fire all night, and another delicious squirrel (I have to say despite being French I prefer squirrel to frog any day).

Mmmmmmmm

Before all this we had spent a while in Chiang Mai, and after meeting Maggs & Joe (from Exeter of all places), we had rented a pickup truck to drive the fabled Highway 1095 to Pai. The girls were particularly in favour of a pickup rather than a couple of motorbikes as it meant they could sunbathe in the back the whole way there, attracting some bemused looks from the locals, and arriving a crispy red colour in Pai. The 134km drive winds over jaw-dropping mountains with the occasional spectacular viewpoint.

Pai is truly the hippiest town you’ve ever seen, almost everyone has dreads or braids or fisherman pants or psychedelic clothing... clearly there’s no-one around here telling them to get a job! Strolling down the quaint streets is a favourite pastime, as is lazing around in hammocks on the banks of the River Pai (or floating downriver on an tractor inner-tube). We found out pretty quick that they were pedestrianised streets after finding ourselves driving the pickup down the middle of them at peak market time, trying to avoid crushing various market stalls. Pai is a very cute place at night too, with live music in pretty much every bar although with the occasional ear-piercingly bad busker.

The walking streets of Pai

Pai sunset

Having a pickup at our disposal allowed us to explore the surrounding area with ease, so after a couple of days of ‘la dolce far niente’ on the banks of the River Pai we discovered some nearby waterfalls and a pretty stunning cave called Tham Lot. The cave itself is immense and houses several ancient caverns in the roof with other-worldly rock formations, several sacred burial grounds and is now the home to 200,000 swifts and bats which stream into and out of the cave at sunset.

Pai also offers its own canyon, a treacherous but beautiful path looking out across the valley – you can probably tell how high it is from the look on Beth’s face!

Just a little terrified...

The drive back offered several more little gems hidden down side roads, including some picturesque hot springs and the stunning Mok-Fa waterfall, which we had all to ourselves!

Mok-Fa waterfall

it took a fair bit of convincing on Beth's part

Our plan was to make it back from Pai to Chiang Mai in time to attend the local reggae festival, set on the edge of Huay Tung Tao lake just outside Chiang Mai. It was a fairly small festival at around 1000 people but had a great vibe with loads of open bamboo huts dotted around the festival site. The highlight was definitely the Easy Star All Stars who headlined at the end of the night – once the sun went down we had to keep reminding ourselves we were in Thailand, such were the similarities to an open-air gig back home.

Chiang Mai, being the hill-tribe trekking and esoteric learning centre of Thailand, is very well kitted out for even the fussiest of eaters (as you’d expect), and we feasted daily on such delicacies as real (!) butter cinnamon French toast with wholemeal croissants from the our local deli/restaurant, where we breakfasted religiously.

The old town is encompassed by a moat on all sides, and within the walls strewn with tiny side streets full of quaint shops. Street bars are everywhere, with locals kitting out a large open window with a bar-top and bottles, then adding a few stools out in the street – a very social affair. Mobile bars are common too, which are often old trucks that have been stripped down to just the cage with a bar fashioned in the middle, wheeled into the streets by hand or motorbike at sunset.

Beth had managed to come down with some kind of feverish illness on the day of my birthday, so we postponed it for a day, then 2, then 3, as the illness spread first to Joe then Maggs (avoiding the birthday boy of course). So the day was spent trying to keep her soaring temperature down (it was over 39 at one point!) and generally playing nurse, as she was in a very bad way.

We did celebrate it eventually, and even met the intriguing “Jesus” from Hawaii.

what a guy...

And even the cheapest room we found (£4/night) had a rustic charm about it, with its curved walls, floor and ceiling completely covered with bamboo.

Determined to learn how to cook a Pad Thai properly before leaving Chiang Mai, we booked onto a cookery course for a half day one morning. Probably the best part of the course was the teacher Sutt, who spoke like a comedic drill instructor and who’s love of cooking and particularly the chilli is admirable. Bearing in mind the chillies we were using are incredibly potent, in his opinion the scale (per person) went as follows:

	No. chillies for the English	No. chillies for the Thai
Mild	1	5
Medium	3	10
Spicy	5	15-20

Flaming morning-glory (spinach-like veg served with oyster sauce)

We had booked the “VIP” bus to Chiang Mai from Ayutthaya (as the sleeper train was fully booked), but I’m pretty sure the acronym has been hijacked in this case as the bus was a ramshackle old coach with metal bars digging into your back all night - it did have ‘VIP’ scrawled on a cardboard sign in the front so they were trying at least. Ayutthaya is one of Thailand’s original capital cities and studded with 10-15 stunning wats (temple complexes) within a fairly small area. Many of the wats were trashed by the Burmese back in the day where Kings would duel on elephant-back for the right to rule a kingdom (in those long-forgotten days when rulers had honour), but many still retain their original glory, and take on a mystical beauty when lit up at night.

We happened upon an elephant show whilst cycling around where Japanese tourists applaud to elephants balancing precariously and dancing to blaring Thai music – humiliating for any animal. Not stopping any longer, we headed to a wat just outside of town for sunset.

Our trip north to Ayutthaya proved very eventful, using a diverse range of transport in roughly this order - songthaew (pickup), ferry, coach, night train, day train, boat, and finally walking, with the total journey time at 29 hours! The only sizeable delay was a 6-hour wait until 2am for the fabled night train, stuck because of water on the tracks (sound familiar england?), although we managed to while away the hours drinking beer with Tony the American (who spoke perfect Thai) and Erin his girlfriend, and moving from food stand to food stand as they all slowly closed, finishing by laughing at a young thai kid who pissed on Erin’s bag then screamed his guts out as his mum washed him in the street!

The night train was as amazing as promised, even down to the full english breakfast delivered to your bunk! At every station locals selling food will jump on and off – and occasionally even when the train is already moving, so fast that they have to start running before they hit the ground! Just one of the reasons they keep all the train doors open all the time.

Our trip north had originated in Ko Samui, the largest of Thailand’s islands and probably too ‘resorty’ for the likes of us, although some of the beaches were beautiful. Not that we had much chance to enjoy them, as it rained non-stop pretty much the whole time we were there. Undeterred, we rented a ‘ped and went to see some Thai boxing, which can be a sight to behold – occasionally vicious but always evident was the mutual respect between fighters.

And before that, we had traversed southern Thailand from where we last left you – Phuket. The ride from Phuket to the east coast turned out to be rather unpleasant, as it is deemed necessary here to fit huge bass speakers into the rear seats of even the most run-down buses, and we were right in the back. Plus the guy standing next to Beth was using a bag resting on her seat to regularly store his hacked-up flem! We did eventually find a spot of (relative) luxury on the night boat over, which are simply old cargo ships with some mattresses thrown in - slow but very cheap & chilled. 

In the couple of days after New Years (and once sobering up) we saw a little more of the island, visiting the bustling night market a couple of times and discovering a new fruit (well, new to us!) – the mangosteen. Dark brown and round, once inside the hard outer shell you have what looks like several cloves of garlic, but are actually incredibly juicy and succulent pieces – so much so that we found we could devour 1kg in under 5 minutes between us.

Anyway, back to the present - we’ll be in this village for the next 10 days and hopefully get to see the Lahu New Year - a date chosen every year by the village shaman, but indications are the night before we leave! Already the kids in the street are amusing themselves with bangers and fireworks, putting the streets dogs and pigs even more on edge! Then we need to get out of Thailand quick as our visas expire, so Laos awaits. I’ll leave you with a couple of amusing signs we spotted...

A clear reminder the edge of the waterfall is dangerous

At Phuket Orchid Farm